I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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