Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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