Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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