I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
