I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
