My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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