The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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