Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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