Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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