just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
