im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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