you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
