East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
