Tell her she can't have a vagina
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
