I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
farters have to be the big spoon...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
