Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
