You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
