I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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