btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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