I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I deserve this hangover.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
