Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I did not marry a roomba.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
