oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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