She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
