dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
