I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
