if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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