dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
