D3 body, D1 cock
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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