lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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