Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
