Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
