I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
