just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
