im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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