Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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