we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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