this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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