I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
