R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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