i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
