haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it glows. i had to have it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
