my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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