I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How does it feel to date your dad?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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