did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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