No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
