Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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