I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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