Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There's always time for handjobs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
