i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
