dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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