I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
