We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
