she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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