Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
