but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
