Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
