After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
