4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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