I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
