I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize