So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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