I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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