tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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