Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
