Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
