We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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