if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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