Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
